I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
