Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
MIDGETS
????
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
