Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
