can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
