I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
