i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
