So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
