he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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