We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
