Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
