I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
