The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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