...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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