stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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