his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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