I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
