please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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