I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
