best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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