I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
