You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
