The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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