why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
