I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
