just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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