dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
