You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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