Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
