I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
