my sisters under your porch take her home
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
