So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
