I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
