Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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