So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
