he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
