so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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