he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
