i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
