Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
