Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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