I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
