i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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