i think my mom watched the whole time
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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