I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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