mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize