Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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