I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
