Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
