I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
