I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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