So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
