Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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