I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
